By Akinwale Akinyoade
10 December 2019.
There is a thin line between being nice to people and people-pleasing. It is one thing to always want to help people to make them happy but when this goes beyond simple kindness, then you are toeing the line of people-pleasing.
As a people-pleaser, you go out of your way to do things for the people in your life, based on what you assume they want or need. You give up your time and energy to get them to like you.
Being a people-pleaser is a damaging habit as you neglect yourself and place people’s wants as more important than our own needs.
Keep reading to recognise some telltale signs that can help you know if you are a people-pleaser. You have a low opinion of yourself.
People pleasers often deal with low self-esteem and draw their self-worth from the approval of others. You convince yourself that people care about you when you are useful to them and their praise/appreciation acts as a validation to your existence.
You need others to like you
As a people-pleaser, one of your major fears is the fear of rejection hence you are constantly doing things in a bid to get others to like and accept you. You go out of your way for people in a bid to feel needed as you believe that their needing you make it harder for them to reject you. It’s hard for you to say “no”
You find it hard to say no
It doesn’t matter if you want to do it or not, you simply find yourself saying yes to request people ask of you because it seems like a safer option. The truth is when you are unable to stand your ground and turn down people, some unscrupulous personalities will take advantage of you and ignore your boundaries because they know you will do what they want.
You are comfortable with always taking the blame
People-pleasing involves readiness to take on the blame, even when what happened has nothing to do with you. You apologise because you feel terrible and not taking the blame may mean that people will not like you.
Agreeability often seems like a surefire way to win approval
If you go along with something you don’t agree with just to keep everyone happy, you’re setting yourself (and others) up for future frustration. If both of the plans have clear flaws, you’re doing everyone a disservice by not speaking up.
You’re a giver
As a people-pleaser, you tend to continue giving because you hope this will in turn make people show you love and affection. If you like giving to others with the goal of being liked then you are a people-pleaser.
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