By Ayoola AD
If he is scared of commitment and you’re ready for it, this is what you have to do!
The ultimate goal for many relationships is commitment. Even those who date in the beginning just for fun would usually end up with a desire to settle down, get hitched… marry.
At some point in one’s life, dating and being in a relationship would no longer be enough. That is the point where you become ready to take your relationship to the next level, to tie the knot. The problem that usually arises out of this often times is that partners do not have the same timing, and that conflict of timing usually puts a lot of strain on the relationship.
On one hand, there is a partner [usually the woman] who thinks that there is nothing more to do than to get married. To her, a lovely 2-year-old relationship like the one she has is mature enough to progress into a marriage. There is love, care, compatibility and all there is to see. There is no need for a delay any longer.
On the other hand, the other partner [the guy most times] wants to wait. His timing still allows him to wait a little while, say one year or two. There is no need to rush, he believes. The relationship is good, but the conditions for marriage, especially the financial aspect, has to be perfect. Life is beautiful. He has a lovely woman to whom he is dedicated, he has all he needs, but thinks he still requires just a little more time before he moves into marriage.
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In summary, she is ready, he is not.
No time wasting
The truth is that situations like this happen all the time, especially between partners who have been dating for over two years or more. In some other cases, you don’t even have to date that long before you feel ready enough to take the next step.
Communication is one way to deal with this. When you see no reason why you both shouldn’t marry and yet he keeps dragging his feet on commitment, you have to ask what the problem is.
Reason with him and see what his reasons are. Then decide if those reasons are logical and reasonable enough to warrant the delay.
Because men have been known to lead other women on for so long while planning to marry another, you would need to decide whether you have enough trust in him, and the luxury of time to wait on him; or if you think he’s just unduly wasting your time.
It is very difficult, but far better to move on from the undue delay and the uncertainty rather than sticking there when your real desire is not being met.
Give him an ultimatum
When that time comes and he is not willing to take the plunge with you, one way to let him know you are not messing around is to give him a deadline to make up his mind.
This is not desperation. It is taking charge of your life and happiness. If your maximum time to date is one and a half years and it’s been over that time and he’s not making moves to commit, you have to let him know that he has six months to make up his mind. If after six months, he’s not saying nothing, be ready to move on.
This is necessary because of guys who are only looking to waste your time. There are also some who have no qualms proposing but just need that prodding to do so. Most importantly, it is called taking charge of your life.
But be sure that you are asking for commitment from a man who really cares about you, someone with whom you have a good friendship and relationship. Make sure you are asking for commitment from him for all the right reasons and not because you are being pushed. If you are really not ready, no need to force it, no matter how long the relationship has been. Ensure you are doing this on your own terms.
Lastly, be mentally prepared to move on if he chooses to not propose at the end of six months. If you are not ready to walk the walk, please don’t talk the talk.