By Ayoola AD
Regardless of reason and intent, is it ever justifiable to date other guys while in a relationship?
I randomly stumbled on a piece – on a website called babe.net – during one of my Internet forages, and the whole point of it was to say that happiness in a relationship can only be achieved and sustained if you have a lil’ something on the side.
In other words, it’s in every woman’s very best interest to keep every last one of their relationships open and get yourself a side piece.
Sure, because the writer of the piece is of a western orientation, that may sound absurd, outrageous and so far out-of-context for it to be applicable, or for it to even be breathed by any logical person in the Nigerian society.
But it’s actually not that unimaginable, because not too long ago, a certain relationship expert known as Joro Olumofin had advised women to get a side-guy to insulate them from the unspoken hurt of being suddenly dumped by their partner.
In a post published on his Instagram sometime in 2018, the self-acclaimed love doctor, claimed that it was time for every lady to have a contingency boyfriend, a backup boyfriend for when [or if] their boyfriends dump them.
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What this means is that he believes it is wise for women in relationships to have side guys to whom they can be married in “6 months” if their real boyfriends messes up.
The man says his advice is influenced by the number of heartbreaks he has seen among women dumped by their boyfriends. He says that if a woman keeps a side guy during her relationship, she won’t feel so much heartache as she would have someone to fall back on.
Obviously, having a sideguy will be blatant cheating. Whether he’s a sideguy in the real sense of the word, that is, one who performs all boyfriend’s duties including sex, or one “who fits all your criteria of a husband material but is your platonic friend,” it is cheating.
If you’re hiding the whole of him from your boyfriend, it is wrong. If you introduce him to your man but hide your true intent for him from your man, it is still cheating.
When you choose to have a sideguy, either as a cushion for any potential dumping by your boyfriend, as revenge for your man’s cheating or for any other reason whatsoever, it is wrong.
The intent, no matter how noble or self-helpful, does not justify the act. Things like double-dating and keeping another partner on the side can be coated with all sorts of names and ultra-modern fancy words and excuses, but it still does not make it right.
Basically, if the relationship is meant to be exclusive, keep it exclusive. If you can’t, then just get out of it. If the other person can’t seem to keep their end of the bargain and you can’t deal, then get out of it too.
Male or female, it is time everyone began to take commitment a little more seriously around here.